Feeling Scared

I’m scared of heights. Terrified, actually.  It’s a fear I’ve never been able to overcome. Most of the time, it doesn’t matter because my feet are on solid ground. But when I go hiking, it matters.

Where I live, hikes will take you to bridges made out of a log—a single narrow beam with only one rickety rail to hold on to—suspended over roaring mountain streams that are too dangerous to cross any other way.

Numerous times, these bridges have stopped me in my tracks. I try my best, but after the first few steps, I change my mind and turn back around as the fear escalates.

And it can really escalate. Once, when my anxiety was ramped up, some strangers on the trail made fun of me. I hear their laughter every single time I come to another one of these sketchy looking log bridges.

But if I’m going to keep hiking—and I really want to keep hiking—some fears have to be navigated.

Here We Go Again

Recently, during a hike with my husband, I rounded a corner. There was another log bridge—a longer-than-usual one. This time, not only one, but two exceedingly long logs were set end-to-end high above the rocks and roaring water below.

As I looked at the bridge, my stomach started getting butterflies. My muscles tensed. I started holding my breath.

I thought to myself:

I can’t do it.

I remembered the terrifying feeling of trying to cross other log bridges.

I heard the voices of the rude strangers who had made fun of me.

I thought, Why can’t I just cross this bridge like everybody else? What is wrong with me?

Then I heard another voice. It was a small, quiet voice, yet I heard it loud and clear, above all the other voices in my mind.

This is a good time to try.

The thought surprised me and all seemed to make all the other voices stand still and listen. That still small voice inside gave me the courage to say to myself,

If you want to hike in the places you love, you need to at least try.

Considering Things

I began to consider things.

There’s no pressure today…

Nobody is behind me.

I’m not trying to keep up with anyone.

Nobody is going to make fun of me.

I decide to try at least. I took my first carefully planted steps—slow, intentional.

I said to myself:

I’m doing Ok. This isn’t as bad as I thought.

But the further I went, the more challenges there were.

The height increased as I moved away from the creek bank. The rushing, roaring water was louder, and now it was in my line of sight, making me feel overwhelmed and off balance.

I looked down and saw the rocks below. My mind went into disaster mode thinking of what would happen if I fell.

I remembered the voice I had heard in my mind:

This is a good time to try.

The memory gave me the courage to keep on going.

Focus

My husband shouted to me from the other side of the bridge. ” Don’t look down! Keep your eyes on the log!” My focus narrowed to only the log—only my feet. I focused on keeping one hand on my hiking pole and the other on that rickety rail at all times.

It wasn’t enough. Anxiety was starting to take over.

I went to the inner recesses of my mind where I could find the voice that I needed in that moment—the voice of truth.

Each time I planted a foot, I paused.

I am safe.

I can do this.

I’m not going to fall.

Again, I planted both feet and both hands. Again, my inner voice would speak:

I am safe.

I can do this.

I’m not going to fall.

But I needed more—I needed to hear it out loud.

I found my voice. I began to repeat out loud with every single step:

“I am safe.”

“I can do this.”

“I’m not going to fall.”

Finding my voice that day started inside—long before I ever spoke the words out loud.

Finding Your Voice

As tender-hearted Christian women, it can be so challenging to find the voice of truth inside of us.  This is especially challenging when we are trying to set boundaries.

I noticed two decisions I could have made that day on the trail. One gave in to my fears:

I can’t. So I’ll have to turn around.

The other came from a place that was connected to the voice of Jesus in me. This was the voice of possibility.

This is a good time to try.

And so I set a boundary within myself: I am going to try.

It became a turning point.  In that moment, I became strong enough to take the next step. More than that, the kindness of the voice of Jesus in me was so gentle that it shut down my inner critic.

The pressure was gone. If I decided to turn around, that would be OK too.

There are so many internal and external factors that create noise—so many voices that make it difficult to connect to our true selves and to hear the voice in us that is connected to the heart of Jesus.

But in the end, it’s about sifting through all that interference.

It’s about hearing the voice in you that is responding to the Spirit of God—the voice that is connected to the values you hold—the voice that understands what you need in the moment and then advocates for it.

This voice wants to help you move forward—to take the next step. This voice speaks out of your true identity, the authentic self that God created you to be. It’s the voice in you that hears the voice of Jesus and responds.

Navigating the Fears

Did I make it across that bridge that day?

Yes, I did—TWICE!!

Finally, I had navigated my fear of heights.

I could not have done so without finding the voice in me that was responding to the encouragement of Jesus.

Finding that voice made all the difference in the world.

You, too, have an inner voice that is connected to the Spirit of God—to Jesus in you.

The voice that says:

I am safe.

I can do this.

I’m not going to fall.

Speaking up with confidence using your authentic inner voice gives you momentum. You can to take the next step—even when you feel overwhelmed by anxiety and frozen in fear. You can move forward and do the hard things.

And yes, you can even navigate bridges that seem too daunting to cross.

I will stand upon my watch and affirm my foot upon the fortress, and will watch to see what he will say in me and what I shall answer to my question. Habakkuk 2:1 JUB