Feeling Scared

I’m scared of heights. Terrified, actually.  It’s a fear I’ve never been able to overcome. Most of the time, it doesn’t matter because my feet are on solid ground. But when I go hiking, it matters.

Where I live, hikes will take you to bridges made out of a log—a single narrow beam with only one rickety rail to hold on to—suspended over roaring mountain streams that are too dangerous to cross any other way.

Numerous times, these bridges have stopped me in my tracks. I try my best, but after the first few steps, I change my mind and turn back around as the fear escalates.

And it can really escalate. Once, when my anxiety was ramped up, some strangers on the trail made light of my fears. I hear their laughter every single time I come to another one of these sketchy looking log bridges.

Recently, during a hike with my husband, I rounded a corner. There was another log bridge—a longer-than-usual one. This time, not only one, but two exceedingly long logs were set end-to-end high above the rocks and roaring water below.

As I looked at the bridge, my stomach started getting butterflies. My muscles tensed. I took in a big breath—and held it. I heard my thoughts making a hasty decision.

I can’t do it.

I remembered the terrifying feeling of trying to cross other log bridges. The voices of the rude strangers who had made fun of me were still speaking—even after all this time. My inner critic spoke up, too.

Why can’t I just cross like everybody else? What is wrong with me?

Then I heard another voice. It was a small, quiet voice, yet I heard it loud and clear, above all the other voices in my mind.

This is a good time to try.

The thought surprised me and seemed to make all the other voices stand still and listen. That still, small voice inside gave me the courage to say to myself,

If I want to hike in the places I love, I need to at least try.

Considering Things

I began to consider things.

There’s no pressure today.

I wasn’t trying to keep up with other hikers who had no trouble crossing bridges. And there was nobody behind me waiting to go across. I had all the time I needed.

And nobody was going to judge me. Even the voice of my inner critic was fading away.  

I decide to try at least. I took my first carefully planted steps—slow, intentional.

I’m doing OK. This isn’t as bad as I thought.

But the further I went, the more challenges there were. I felt suspended in the air with nothing to hold me as I moved further away from the creek bank. The rushing, roaring water was louder, and now it was in my line of sight. I felt overwhelmed and off balance.

I looked down and saw the rocks below. My mind went into disaster mode thinking of what would happen if I fell.

I remembered the voice I had heard in my mind:

This is a good time to try.

The memory gave me the courage to keep on going.

Focus

My husband shouted to me from the other side of the bridge. “Don’t look down! Keep your eyes on the log!” My focus narrowed to only the log—only my feet. I focused with intensity on my hands, too—one hand on my hiking pole, the other on that rickety rail at all times.

It wasn’t enough. Anxiety was taking over.

I went to the inner recesses of my mind where I could find the voice that I needed in that moment—the voice of truth.

Each time I planted a foot, I paused.

I am safe.

I can do this.

I’m not going to fall.

Again, I planted both feet and both hands. Again, my inner voice would speak:

I am safe.

I can do this.

I’m not going to fall.

But I needed more. I needed to hear it out loud.

With every single step, I spoke—in the beginning, with more confidence than I actually felt.

“I am safe.”

“I can do this.”

“I’m not going to fall.”

Finding my voice that day started inside—long before I ever spoke the words out loud. And surprisingly, the more I spoke those words of truth, the more confident I became.

Speak Up With Confidence

As tender-hearted Christian women, it can be so challenging to find the voice of truth inside of us and speak up with confidence.  This is especially challenging when we are trying to set boundaries.

There were two decisions I could have made that day on the trail.

I can’t. So I’ll have to turn around. This voice gave in to my fear. It was the voice that wanted to keep me from trying.

But another voice came from a place that was connected to Jesus in me. This was the voice of possibility.

This is a good time to try.

And so I set a boundary within myself: I am going to try.

The Turning Point

It became a turning point.  In that moment, I became strong enough to take the next step. More than that, the voice of possibility was so kind and gentle that it shut down my inner critic.

The pressure was gone. If I decided to turn around, that would be OK too.

There are so many internal and external factors that create noise in challenging moments—so many voices that make it difficult to connect to our true selves and hear the voice in us that is connected to the heart of Jesus.

But in the end, it’s about sifting through all that interference.

It’s about hearing the voice in you that is responding to the encouragement of Jesus—the voice that is connected to the values you hold—the voice that understands what you need in the moment and then advocates for it.

This voice wants to help you speak up with confidence within yourself. It wants you to take that next step. This voice speaks out of your true identity, the authentic self that God created you to be. It’s the voice in you that hears the voice of Jesus and responds.

You Can Do Hard Things

Did I make it across the bridge that day?

Yes, I did—TWICE!!

Finally, I had navigated my fear of heights and narrow places.

I could not have done so without finding the voice in me that was responding to the encouragement of Jesus—the voice that helped me speak up with confidence within myself,

Finding that voice made all the difference in the world.

You, too, have an inner voice that is connected to the Spirit of God—to Jesus in you.

The voice that says:

I am safe.

I can do this.

I’m not going to fall.

Going deep to discover your authentic voice gives you the ability to speak up with confidence within yourself. This is the begining of your next step—a step you can take even when you feel overwhelmed—even when you feel anxious or afraid. You can move forward and do the hard things.

And yes, you can even navigate bridges that seem too daunting to cross.

I will stand upon my watch and affirm my foot upon the fortress, and will watch to see what he will say in me and what I shall answer to my question. Habakkuk 2:1 JUB